Monday, August 01, 2005

snob

i think i'm a snob, but i don't mean to be. i've been thinking about this lately, and i thought that since i have this new-fangled blog, i may as well use it to explore this conundrum. my sister jen has told me for years that i am snobby, and i never believed that there was any merit in her statements. however, as i grew older, i found myself having to admit that my behavior may be seen by others as snobbish. "hunh." i would think, "how odd". and i find myself really trying to grasp what it is that i do that makes me seem so aloof and long-nosed to other folks.

generally, i have been able to accept that i have snobbish tendencies, but only because i know that my general good-nature tends to balance it out. people who know me should know that i love being available to help and to allow people to be as crazy as they want to be (as long as they're respectful). however, over the last few months, i have found that sometimes it isn't enough to hope that a person will catch that comfortable side of me. as i have been working with youth and their families these past seven months, i realize that the kids i see almost daily do not get to see me relax so much. and i notice that the sarcastic, wry, or intellectual approaches tend to backfire on me more often than not. as such, i get to be the mean member of my team, the Buttercup of the PowerPuff Girls, when i'm actually ultimately the Bubbles in every other aspect of my life.

it's a little disappointing. and it really makes me self-conscious in the work environment. i mean, am i being too stand-offish? do i set myself apart from my co-workers as much as i apparently set myself apart from my kids? do my terrible stories become unbearable to others because they don't feel that they can tell me how terrible the stories are? it's frustrating; i cannot tell when the wall is up or when it's down these days. it's so much easier to relax when you don't have to worry about others being self-conscious and/or feeling as though you're criticizing them.

i do not think that this blog really has any concise conclusion. i really just wanted to throw the subject out there, because i feel that it effects my life more than i can fathom. i mean, what are those aspects of one's personality or one's life that haunt every situation that one's in? and at what point does one choose to embrace that aspect instead of trying to change it?

5 comments:

  1. I have felt very similar in my work enviornments, but usually i'ts because ( as a temp) I am always the new person, and always a bit scared to get comfortable or look unprofessional. For me it takes someone to open up to ME and then I find I have a much easier time opening up myself. In general though, I think we can all be snobbish at times. Usually depends on stress I think, and maybe you think you are being snobbish, when you are really just stressed. Which, I can easily see being the problem. And anyway, Jeni thinks everyone is snobby...if they don't wanna tell her everything. My sister is the same way, maybe it's an older sister thing.

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  2. I don't know where you get your snobbishness.
    Oh, and by the way, no capitalization is totally stupid and beneath me.

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  3. Sometimes I think I'm snobbish (and sometimes I agree with them). Although I think most people interpret my shyness for snobbery.

    At work, I usually keep to myself outside of the design department. Design is usually a big clique anyway. But in this design department, I'm 1 girl among 6 men, which in man terms, excludes me from a lot of things, so I am further separated, which makes me feel even more snobbish. Go figure.

    I don't enjoy being shy, and I struggle with it constantly. It can take years and years for me to open up to someone. Well, there you go, I guess I just opened up.

    I guess I agree with Niff in that it takes others to open up to me first.

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  4. thanks for the comments, all.
    yeah, i think that my shyness (at times) can come off as being snobbish. that certainly was the case when i was younger. i think the fact that all of the other girls on my team (there are five of them) are 22 and i'm 27 may have something to do with it too. i'm not saying that i'm old, but it puts me in that motherly/big sister role, and i tend to act more conservative in that type of situation.
    but it's nice to hear how other folks get stuck feeling or being seen as snobbish. i wonder how much of the snob-factor is simply a reflection of how separate we feel from others as opposed to how separate people think we make ourselves.

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  5. good point seeks...never really thought of it that way before.

    kim'; you work with 6 men! eeeesh! no wonder you have bad days at work...and allergies.

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