i think i'm a snob, but i don't mean to be. i've been thinking about this lately, and i thought that since i have this new-fangled blog, i may as well use it to explore this conundrum. my sister jen has told me for years that i am snobby, and i never believed that there was any merit in her statements. however, as i grew older, i found myself having to admit that my behavior may be seen by others as snobbish. "hunh." i would think, "how odd". and i find myself really trying to grasp what it is that i do that makes me seem so aloof and long-nosed to other folks.
generally, i have been able to accept that i have snobbish tendencies, but only because i know that my general good-nature tends to balance it out. people who know me should know that i love being available to help and to allow people to be as crazy as they want to be (as long as they're respectful). however, over the last few months, i have found that sometimes it isn't enough to hope that a person will catch that comfortable side of me. as i have been working with youth and their families these past seven months, i realize that the kids i see almost daily do not get to see me relax so much. and i notice that the sarcastic, wry, or intellectual approaches tend to backfire on me more often than not. as such, i get to be the mean member of my team, the Buttercup of the PowerPuff Girls, when i'm actually ultimately the Bubbles in every other aspect of my life.
it's a little disappointing. and it really makes me self-conscious in the work environment. i mean, am i being too stand-offish? do i set myself apart from my co-workers as much as i apparently set myself apart from my kids? do my terrible stories become unbearable to others because they don't feel that they can tell me how terrible the stories are? it's frustrating; i cannot tell when the wall is up or when it's down these days. it's so much easier to relax when you don't have to worry about others being self-conscious and/or feeling as though you're criticizing them.
i do not think that this blog really has any concise conclusion. i really just wanted to throw the subject out there, because i feel that it effects my life more than i can fathom. i mean, what are those aspects of one's personality or one's life that haunt every situation that one's in? and at what point does one choose to embrace that aspect instead of trying to change it?